R.a.c.h.e.l Toyer

As reporters, we are often commanded to go and find the stories that will sell.  Stories about heart-ache and sorrow, about grief and agony.  But what about the stories that are based on happiness and charity? Don’t those stories need to be told as well?

No matter you political agenda, this video was on CNN.com and was a little inspiring. A man gave 80 cars a free tank of gas. Not only was this man giving something useful to his community, he didn’t expect anything in return.  If only we saw more of that, not only around the holidays, but even during the year, how much different would the world be?  If only that was the kind of news we saw on TV or read in the newspapers.  Like I tell my students at UNLV, it’s not always about the stories that sell, but more so, about the stories that make a difference.

Watch the video, feel inspired.  The news, needs more of that.

I forgot how much I enjoy the sunshine and the breezes and the palm trees swaying to and fro.  I’ve been away too long, that’s why being in Honolulu the past two weeks was the most rejuvinating two weeks I’ve had since before the Fall semester started.  But why focus on the past, right now all I can feel are the cool, not freezing, but cool breezes, and I can smell the fragrance of plumerias in the air.  I can’t believe it’s almost time to go back, to the cold, harsh, and bleek reality that is the desert of Las Vegas.

At the PCC for date night

Bryce and I got to spend some much needed time together.  It’s hard to love and live at a distance, but it’s a test our relationship must endure in order to reach the highest levels of happiness.  Going to the beach, making meals at home, watching movies, cuddling, laughing, spending time with mutual friends, all things that most couples in our same situation take for granted, even the few disagreements we had in person is a luxury we frequently miss out on because we live our lives in different parts of the country.

We celebrated our Christmas together on his day off, and spent the day at Lanikai beach, eating thai food from Bangkok Chef, and opening presents that we made for one another.

He got a new RSL jacket for Christmas

Sunbathing at Lanikai

I had forgotten how much I enjoy being in the islands, shocking as that might sound, but being in the mainland for the past few years, I’ve missed out on the spirit and the sunshine that Hawaii has to offer. I feel close to Nannie when I’m here, I feel her warmth and smile as well.  I know she is always with me, but I feel her more so here in the place of her birth.  I love Hawaii, I love being here, thank goodness for winter breaks.

I hope the next time I return, it will be because I’m moving back once again, to be closer to Bryce, to watch and wait for our journey together to begin.

All I can say is I’m sorry, I can’t go back and make it right

I wish I had been stronger, and walked away from that night

The hurt I caused are now the tears I cry

O how to prove my love I’ll try

Come pain or grief or agony or despair

The trust you no longer have I will repair

To love and be true is my life’s dream

Though broken to you now it may seem

A lesson learned is what remains

Until you trust me yet again

The broken pieces of my heart all belong to you forever

In hope that we can always be together

“Won’t it be incredible when we can fall asleep together, and not have to worry about catching a flight the next morning to a different state a thousand miles away?”

“Soon enough.”

“A year is a long time, and you will be so far away.”

“Don’t worry, soon enough.”

“I have to worry, it’s who I am, I worry.”

“You shouldn’t worry so much”

“I hope the year goes by fast, I hope that all our dreams come true and that we will finally fall asleep together and wake up the next morning and not have to leave the state, and do the same thing over and over again forever.”

“Don’t worry, it will happen, soon enough.”

“Can’t you say anything else?”

“I can, I love you, I’m going to marry you and soon enough, we will wake up together forever and ever.”

Most girls wait for years for the right boy to come along and turn their heads.  They try to pretend like the random phone calls don’t matter, and that the infrequent road trips don’t count for much.  Some girls even like to fool themselves into thinking that they are much too independent and self-reliant to ever fall head over heels in love, so head over heels in fact that they don’t want to breathe another breath unless they can share the air with that boy.  I used to be one of those girls, until he gave me my story.

It was any other weekend, and it was not highly anticipated, because most of the plans I made fell through, little did I know, those plans fell through for a reason.  It was the ultimate surprise, showing up on a weekend he wasn’t supposed to be here, to take me on a tour of the “world.”  The theme that day was inspired by all the many countries that are represented by the hotels of Las Vegas, starting in the jungles of the Mandalay Bay and moving to the pyramids of Egypt at the Luxor.  We went stateside to New York New York and felt the thrill of the “taxi cab” roller coaster.  We paused to take a brief rest before heading to my favorite restuarant of all time, Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion, then quickly proceeded to Paris, to the top of the Eifle Tower.  As the day came to a close, my only thought was, “what is the charade about?”  And then, that is when life became as wonderful as it ever could be.

Taking a cruise through Venice, at the Venetian, on the gondola, my furture husband asked me if he could see the “world” with me, to which I replied yes.  He then said a few other things, most of which I forget because before I knew it, he was on his knee, in the gondola asking me to marry him.  I was in tears, the moment I have secretly longed for my entire life, was suddenly there at my feet.  I said yes with all my heart, knowing that if anyone knew how to love me, he did.

He waited, to ask me of course, until a day that I would surely remember for the rest of my life, October 24, 2009, 45 years to the day that my dearly departed grandparents were married in Honolulu.

And that is my story.  I will tell my kids, and grandkids the story about how my life, with the man I have prayed for since I was a little girl, finally began.

After he proposed on the gondola ride.

I had quite the weekend, friends from Utah came down, friends from Vegas came out, fun times.  I love when people mesh and get along.  Bryce was here for the second weekend in a row, how spoiled am I?! Anyway, we all had a blast, lots of laughing, being crazy, and some naked time, yes that’s right, the bravest of us all put on quite the show Sunday morning.  It was insane!  At times like these, I actually like living in Vegas, it’s like the meeting place for all of my friends.  I’ve met up with a handful of friends here that I haven’t seen in years.  I had fun, which was a real change for me since lately I’ve been running on full-speed due to school and work, so the change of pace, and the laughs were like a breath of fresh air.  Until the next crazy weekend!

Bryce and I

J Marshall and I

O yeah, she's totally doing that.

Work it Logan

The year started with the death of the most noble and honorable man I probably will ever know, my  paternal grandfather.  This year is going to come to a close with the death of my favorite lady of all time, my maternal grandmother.  Coping with these significant loses has been a constant battle, and sometimes causes me to rethink everything around me.  After grandpa died, I began to realize how precious time really is, how there will never be enough time and how each and every day must count towards something.  A direct result of his death was my summer trip to Peru for a week.  Grandpa went so fast and unexpectedly that I vowed to never let any opportunity pass me by.

It’s been a month since I was asked to endure the next loss.  My grandmother, the only person on earth I could say anything to, and who understood me and my circumstance.  Apart from my future spouse, hopefully, I don’t think I will ever be as close to anyone.  The past month has been a struggle in the sense that there have been numerous occasions in which I was ready to pick up the phone and hear her greeting of “hi rach!” on the other end.  I miss that greeting. I miss her voice.  I miss her, and grandpa.

I’m tired of death and people dying.  I know it’s a natural part of life and that it happens constantly, but it causes all those who are left behind to wonder, where do we go from here?

Some deal with loss in some ways, others in other ways.  There is no right or wrong perscription for what to do, when, and how.  We all do the best we possibly can, and move on.  But what if we can’t? What if that idea of death and loss are too much to bare?  Imagine your life without the person you love most in the world, would you even consider living that life?  My grandpa would insist I move forward, my grandmother would, if she were here, quickly remind me that I have come too far to give up hope and bury my head in the sand.

What if tomorrow was my last day? Would all I’ve done in this life be enough?

Imagine a race where everyone was a winner, where those who finished last received just as much praise and glory as those who finished first.  Imagine a world without breast cancer.  More than 30,000 participants and volunteers gathered Sunday morning in Newport Beach, California to race towards a cure for breast cancer.
“This is my first year, but I want to keep coming back every year after this,” said Amber Randall, a resident of Cypress.
Started in 1982 in Dallas, Texas, The Susan G. Komen for the Cure was a direct result of one woman’s dedication to her sister, who lost her battle to breast cancer.  Nancy Goodman Brinker is the founder of Susan G. Komen for the Cure, formerly The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, and has helped to raise more than $1.3 billion dollars.  It was because of this sister’s determination to find a cure and provide breast health education, that Susan G. Komen for the Cure is the leading breast cancer charity in the world.
“I recently lost my grandmother to breast cancer, but by the sight of so many people here today, I remain hopeful that we will find a cure,” said Jordan Toyer, a 2009 race participant.
Men, women, children, and even some of the family dogs, gathered at the starting line at 7:35 a.m. to walk, or race, 5 kilometers, or 3.2 miles around Fashion Island.  Those wearing pink t-shirts endured the turmoil that is associated with being diagnosed with breast cancer, they are the survivors, the women who inspire us all.
“Participating in the Orange County Susan G. Komen walk for the cure is a spiritual experience because you get to walk with your family and thousands of others with one purpose in mind,” said Angeline Smith, another 2009 race participant.
Pink signs were pinned to the backs of the participants, with names of those who have overcome their battle, and those who battle is now our life’s mission.  We honor them through our efforts, we race to find their cure.

There has been a lot to day recently, I just haven’t had the time to say any of it.  Maybe that is being too hard on myself, I guess the truth is I haven’t made any time to say all that I’ve needed to recently.  The song “Say” by John Mayer comes to mind.  We all need to speak out once in a while, about the heartache, or the joy, the sorrow, or the triumph.  It’s not good to hold things inside, not healthy to let emotion fester and turn into counter-production.

So thus begins my rant to what I’ve been feeling lately…

They say time heals all wounds, I’m not sure who the “they” is, but let’s suppose that the saying is true none the less.  My argument is that time may very well heal wounds, but time also leaves scars.  Papa Roach can say it so much better than I, “Our scars remind us that the past is real…”  We can obviously live with scars, what we can’t live with is pain, thus “time heals all wounds.”  How much time it takes to heal is something “they” leave out.  I often wish the saying would include or be sensitive to how much time it will take to heal.

Moving along, I should make time to say how wonderful it is to love.  It’s like taking all the supposed things that make a person happy, chocolate, sleeping in, sports, shopping, sunshine, laughter, or ice cream and having access to them 24/7.  Love, I have found, can you give you a courage and a will that you maybe didn’t have before.  Despite the fact that it is the hardest thing to work with, love is, speaking from experience, the most rewarding feeling.  Along with love comes hope, a term that gets over looked a lot these days. Hope helps you keep your courage, even when things beyond your control seem to want to rob you of it.  Love and hope, when used correctly together, empowers you to look beyond the past, and focus on the present, and the future.

I recently told a good friend, that I’m starting to look at life the way a football player might look at it.  Instead of looking down the field, towards the goal line, a football player focuses on getting the 1st down.  Considering the fact that I’m using football to make this analogy, I might as well make it poignant.  Too much time spent worriying on the end result will drive a person crazy, not to mention make them lose focus and not be able to enjoy the awesome plays that life has to offer.  So, I’m focusing on getting each and every 1st down that I possibly can, even if that means I have to wait a long time to get to the end zone.  I won’t spend my life looking down the field, wishing I could just get there already.  Each day, is a different 1st down, and each day my goal is make the best play that I can.

And that…is making time to say it all!