R.a.c.h.e.l Toyer

I can hear my mother’s voice in my head. “You need to be more humble.”
I’m certain I’m not acquainted with that word, though I know she is right.
What is it about ambition that makes me act sad and bitter?
Why can I only be brilliant when I’m feeling defeated, I’m sure most musicians would agree. All the best songs were written  about a time of pain and despair.
Yet again my mother’s voice, “kids in Africa, blah blah.”
I don’t know those kids, all I know is me.
Switchfoot says it best, I want “more than just ok.”
This is a test, they say, better things are coming.
Maybe they all forgot what its like.
It’s that old feeling, standing in a crowded room, screaming, and no one looks up once.
They just laugh.
I just need a minute to confess, to shout, to cry, to surrender.

Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: career, defeat, family, friends, frustration, Life, sadness, surrender

Actually I’m more of an instructor, professors are teachers of the highest rank and well…I’m not there yet.

For those who haven’t heard, I started teaching last week at Hawaii Pacific University. I teach an introduction course to communication and a journalism course. I’m on campus more now than I was as a student and I am still trying to grasp the idea that I get to do something I’ve always considered doing as a profession. My mom actually made an observation that I’ve technically been going to “school” since I was 3 and I’m not sick of it yet, and I’m not. I still consider myself a student even though I’m the one standing up in the front of the class now because I am always willing to learn.

My passion for education didn’t erupt until about a year and a half ago but even when I was little teaching is something I always thought I could do. After a semester of student teaching at UNLV I knew I could do it and be happy. If you would’ve told me seven years ago when I was a freshman at HPU that I would one day be lecturing about communication at HPU, I would’ve probably suggested you had a fever and to take Tylenol. Truth be told I didn’t know until a little after Bryce and I got married that I could, meaning I had the skills and confidence, to teach at HPU. I would like to thank John Windrow for the extra help in seeing to it that I got hired and for believing in me then and continuing to believe in me now.

How many people can say that are at their dream job? How many people talked about “growing up to be….” and actually became that thing? I’m extremely fortunate because I can say this now and be proud that what I’m doing is hopefully going to make a difference to someone, somehow, somewhere.

This is my dream, to do something that matters. We see education constantly trying to overcome hurtles that make it impossible for kids to learn and develop and it is sad. Education is a commodity and students are the consumers and they are the only consumers that want less for their money (a concept borrowed from Dr. Kearns of HPU).

“Education is the key to proficiency,” said Gordon B. Hinckley and you know something, he is right. To me this life is about knowledge and choices and I hope that I can give some student the knowledge to make the best choices for his or her self. I hope that those who want to learn will have nothing in the way to stop them and that like me, they can grow up to have their “dream job.”

I’m optimistic and enthusiastic, but this is only the second week of the first semester in a long lasting career of education and even though it may be challenging, I am professor Aubrey and class is most definitely in session.

Posted in Career, Life, People
Tags: career, college, dreams, education, hawaii, HPU, journalism, Life, teaching

Last week Bryce and I got to go flying with Yuki of Washin Air (located off Lagoon Drive). We took off in this little dinky airplane that had only four seats and flew approximately 2,000 feet in the air above downtown Honolulu and Hawaii Kai. Although the flight was slightly turbulent, it was a lot of fun for me, and especially for Bryce. For those who don’t know, Bryce controls airplanes for a living, meaning he is an Air Traffic Controller in Honolulu and although I don’t understand any of the work jargon he brings home to me, and sometimes I pretend not to listen, I’m so happy that he loves his job.

As we were flying I would listen to the controllers in the background, and I felt very proud, because I knew that my husband’s job was truly cool and it is truly a respected profession. The perspective Bryce got from our pilot Yuki during that brief flying lesson will hopefully help him up his game, not that it needs to be up’d, and make him a more cognizant controller.

I know pride has its faults, but I can’t help but feel so when I see a plane take off and soar above Ala Moana and continue on such and such heading past Waikiki as it flies to the mainland, or some other part of the world. I think to myself, my husband sent that plane off, even if he didn’t. Although training this past year and a half has been stressful at times, it will all pay-off at the end of the year when he is fully and utterly a certified air traffic controller.

Posted in Career, Life, People
Tags: air traffic, airplanes, career, honolulu, Life, my husband's job, Washin Air

Time flies, and so did the past two months. We spent a lot of time with Jana and Stephen before they had to leave for the mainland. We had tons of game nights, bbqs, and water sessions. Despite Stephen preoccupied most days with studying for the California Bar Exam, we saw him at nights and try to keep his spirits up. We had a birthday party/going away party for he and Jana right before they left and had fondue with just about any kind of treat imaginable to dip in chocolate and homemade carmel!

Jana and I spent a lot of time together being crazy, I even got her to drink a Coke before she left, shhh! I think we saw each other everyday of the week prior to them leaving.

We really miss having them as part of our island posse, but we wish them well on their next adventures and hope we see them again soon.

The gang at a evening bbq in Hawaii Kai.

Stephen's concentrating real hard on his ice cream birthday cake.

Jana, Beth and Rachel underwater

We were running with rocks underwater at Waimea

It’s August already and as I look forward to beginning my  teaching career at HPU, Bryce is training on another radar position at work. Last month he “certified” on a position which means he gets to continue progressing in his training to becoming fully certified as an air traffic controller. I tease Bryce all the time because he can remember every single airplane that takes off but when I ask him something he manages to forget. We’re both thrilled that he loves his job and that we are able to live here on Oahu and enjoy the weather and the water. Our latest preoccupation is watching old episodes of Lost, the TV that was hugely popular  a few years back.  We didn’t pay attention while it was on air but now we watch it on Netflix and love the fact that the commercials are non existant. I think we were both skeptical at first but it has become very intriguing and so now we are kind of hooked. Not only are we hooked on Lost, but also on The Cosby Show!

I can’t believe it’s August already!

Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: friends, hawaii, july fun, Life, Lost, love, summer, The Cosby Show, work

The “t-shirt and jeans” has been labeled throughout recent history as the tom-boyish type, the kind of girl that a guy likes to have a “friend” but not necessarily a girlfriend, someone who doesn’t really care what they look like on the outside but is comfortable in her own skin, and her favorite t-shirt.

I’m not going to say that none of these labels don’t apply to me, but I am going to take a stand for all the t-shirt gals out there, don’t be ashamed of your t-shirts! I’ve always have been and always will be a t-shirt kinda girl, and since I live in Hawaii, it’s t-shirts and shorts not jeans. These aren’t just any types of tees, some of the tees in my collection cost more than the normal individual might think to pay for a t-shirt. Allow me to share some of my favorites and why they are undoubtedly my favorites:

1-I <3 N.Y.

Purchased in 2009 in NYC

I love New York! Anyone who knows me knows this is no secret. I first fell in love in August 2007 on my initial trip to the big apple. I actually bought a black I <3 NY shirt on that visit, but thanks to the frequent laundering of said t-shirt, it had to be retired, and so on my second trip to NYC, I bought two, yes two, of the shirts pictured here. I only have one left, so I wear it less frequently. I think the two shirts cost like $15 so not a huge financial burden, but a good buy nonetheless. Hopefully I will make it back to NYC again some day to buy another round of I <3 N.Y. tees.

2-Johnny Cupcakes-Lakers boy

Purchased online in 2009

Another fact about Rachel that is not a secret, I heart the Los Angeles Lakers, this shirt screamed my name and so I had to buy it. The story goes, I attended a Johnny Cupcakes lecture while I was a grad student at UNLV. Johnny Cupcakes makes, you guessed it, t-shirts, (not cupcakes). I got to hear the story of how an ordinary guy didn’t want to work for the man and so decided to make crazy images and designs and put them on t-shirts. Go figure? He talked for like fours hours about how he started, how he has been so successful, and his passion for what he does. I loved every hour, all four, and since then I’ve purchased three shirts, one for me, and two for Bryce, and received one additional shirt from Bryce for Christmas. These shirts are pricey, like you could buy four shirts at like Ross for the price on one JC shirt. Why buy? I believe in passion for what you do, I was truly impressed by Johnny and his vision and how he is loyal to his product and didn’t “sell out” and so I support businesses like his because I believe in karma, and plus his designs are fresh and original.

3- ~Enjoy Coke a Cola~

Purchased in 2010 in Honolulu

My coke shirt is light and comfy and red. I like to wear the color red because it looks good with my skin tone, or so I’ve been told. I got this shirt at Target in Honolulu. This was yet another shirt that screamed at me because I have a somewhat shameful affinity for the taste of Coke a Cola and it was on sale and that is how the story goes. A simple t-shirt for a simple way of life but one of my favorites.

4-Elmo

A birthday gift in 2011

Posted in Life
Tags: Life, New york, t-shirts, Johnny Cupcakes, Mi Cielo, Coke a Cola, Target, gifts, collections, interests

June is a great month because it is the only month were I can celebrate all month long, literally. My birthday and Bryce’s birthday both fall in June, not to mention my little sister and some very dear friends. I turned 25 this year, I don’t feel 25, but then again I’m not sure what 25 is supposed to feel like. I really like 24, despite being a tiring year, it was full of great things (marriage and graduation).

We celebrated this year by having a “staycation” or a vacation without leaving the state at Turtle Bay on the North Shore of Oahu. We checked in for a few nights at the resort and spent time on the less busy and hectic side of the island.  It was nice to be on a vacation while still being close enough to home, ha STAYCATION!

The view from our balcony

The weather wasn’t all sunshine but we did spend a considerable time by the pool and in the ocean.

The Turtle in the Bay (pool)

It was fun to get away and pretend we were tourists even though we technically live on the other side of the island. Thank you to my super fantastic husband!

The classic arm extension shot.

Apart from Turtle Bay, we had a mini celebrations with the friends, Jana and Stephen, at Apartment 304 a.k.a. our apartment which included snacks, desserts, and games of course. It is nice to have friends to celebrate with, even if they are modest celebrations at home. Another highlight of our birthday month was scuba diving over at the west side of Oahu. Since being certified, Bryce and I haven’t been diving together, so despite a little motion sickness experienced by Mr. Aubrey, we went and had a great time! We went on two dives to two different wrecks about 90 feet deep and saw the creatures living under the water including a honu (turtle).

The last hoorah for birthday month was when I went out with my girlfriends to Roys in Hawaii Kai. What a good time! I don’t spend much time with the girls, because my lifestyle is different, but I really love that they made time to spend with me for my birthday. We laughed, we laughed some more, and we ate great food, and we laughed some more. I went to college with these girls, and despite our lives being very different the time we spend together makes time stand still and it’s like we’re still in college. Thank you ladies for a great night!

The girls after a fabulous Roys dinner!

I can’t wait until next June, for another round of June birthday!!

Posted in Life
Tags: birthdays, celebration, college friends, friends, june, Life, love, Oahu, Rachel Aubrey, Turtle Bay

Today is the perfect day to describe my latest admiration for an actor that once lit up the screen and the hearts of many. I’m talking about none other than Paul Newman, who is known to some as the guy with the salad dressings, but is now completely secure in my brain as a true gentlemen and artist.

A few weeks ago while waiting for Bryce to come home from work I was flipping through Netflix for a classic movie to watch and I came across “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.” (1958) I’m a little embarrassed to say that I had never seen it before, so I was excited to mark it off my list of classic movies not yet seen. The performance by the late Liz Taylor and Paul Newman were spectacular, you don’t see acting like that today in my opinion! After watching the movie to the end I developed a new crush on none other than the salad dressing man himself. This crush led to several other classics being taken off my list, including “The Long Hot Summer.” (1958)

I noticed a pattern in all the Paul Newman movies I started watching, he portrays the bad boy,the rebellious natured man with a chip on his shoulder to a T. Of course as I did a little research I found out that on this particular movie set, Mr. Newman met his wife, Joanne Woodward and the two were married for 50 years! What struck me as even more amazing was the fact that he was completely faithful during all 50 of those years! He was quoted as saying, “Why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home?”

To continue with my theme of Long Hot Summer, I went looking for a particular song in my iTunes library.  It’s an upbeat number by Keith Urban titled, go figure, Long Hot Summer. Before you go hating on the country music I will put a plug in for Mr. Urban, whom I had the great joy of seeing in concert, he is also a true artist, like the aforementioned actor. I just couldn’t help myself, today of all days to pay a little homage to the official first day of summer by incorporating a few favorites that happen to bear the blessed season’s name within their titles.

Happy Summer to everyone!

Posted in People
Tags: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Elizabeth Taylor, Keith Urban, Long Hot Summer, lyrics, movies, Music, Netflix, Paul Newman, seasons, songs, summer, summer time

It’s been about a month since I graduated and since then I’ve read tons of articles about students graduating from ivy league schools with degrees that say that they are geniuses and yet find themselves working in retail jobs.  I wonder to myself, did they have high hopes of finding their dream job in this economy? I don’t know if I had any expectations for finding an ideal job after I graduated, I think I was just more thrilled about the fact that I graduated.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot, well a lot more than I have in the past. Books about journalism, blogs about life, and even a little Jane Austen. I try not to read too much all at once because then I am liable to confuse reality and non-fiction with imagination and fiction, but now I’m thinking to myself, what is wrong with that?

I wonder what Catherine Morland would think about the blog I read this morning about how to make your office space work for you (The Couch Manager). After all, her imagination is somewhat idealistic, and her notions of General Tilney have just been proven false. Now I can’t help but wonder what Jane Austen would think about all the blogs today, people writing about things that matter and things that don’t.  What advice would she give me, if I had the good fortune to ask her, about what content I should include on my blog?

I digress, it’s been about a month since I graduated and while I’ve been kept in the metaphorical loop of prospective employment opportunities, I still find I have yet to get a hold of something that truly fills every measure of my inquisitive and passionate nature. There is of course, my interview coming up this week to become an ad junc professor at Hawaii Pacific University, my alma matter. Will that fulfill me? I guess the real hitch in the equation is that I’m expecting something in return, not necessarily financial gains, but notoriety perhaps. Of course, since I’m talking about Jane Austen I might as well accept that since it took years for her work to be truly valued as it is today, so shall my fate be.

One of the books I’m reading while simultaneously reading Northanger Abbey is about digital journalism and suggested I blog more and participate more in the blogging community. If only I had as much imagination as Catherine Morland.

Posted in Blah!, Life
Tags: blogging, blogs, career, education, fiction, Jane Austen, jobs, Life, non-fiction, Northanger Abbey

Well, it finally happened, a day that I spent many many hours in the library for hoping that it would all be worth it. I am talking about none other that than Graduation Day! Congrats to the class of 2011, we made it! Of course, I’ve been down the carpeted walkway before, but this time was different. What most people don’t know is how arduous this journey has been, how long and bumpy and full of potholes the road was and how every step of the way I was challenged like I’ve never been challenged before. For those who don’t know, I’ll try to be brief.

Moving to Las Vegas in the late summer of 2008 was a step I was not unfamiliar with. I had moved to another state before, with no friends and no real certainty of what experience lie in wait. My grandparents lived there and that was all the comfort I could ask for.  Graduate school was a challenge from the get go, but I loved it at first, I was learning things that mattered to me and to my respective field and it was thrilling. I made new friends and saw old friends come and go. So things were looking my way…

When my grandpa got severely ill, it became harder and harder.  Actually 2009 was not a good year except fot the fact that Bryce finally admitted his feelings for me and vice versa. First we lost grandpa in January, then Nannie left us in September. As far as school I had applied and was granted a job on campus as a graduate assistant teaching journalism to undergrads not to mention my own personal schedule was loaded and Bryce and I became engaged but decided to live apart so I could finish my degree.

As if that wasn’t enough, I started having major conflict on campus when a professor decided I was a bad apple and went about sabotaging my academic career by kicking me out of a required class and failing me, spreading lies about me to other faculty and accusing me of copyright infringement. I started to love graduate school less at this point. This professor obviously has issues, but nevertheless it caused a severe weight loss and the worst case of stress I have ever known. I have never experienced this type of conflict before in my life.I could go on, but I feel a sense of peace now, and I’m much to classy to dwell on those who try to defeat me.

All this is past, and on May 14th, 2011 I walked across the stage, shook the dean’s hand and smiled gracefully as my family and friends cheered loud from the stands. I made it. I reached the end of the long and bumpy road, I made it through the potholes and the stress and the tears, and I promised myself on that stage that nothing would ever come close to defeating me ever again.

Thank you to all who have been supportive, my husband who is my best friend and greatest support, my mom for always being the voice of reason, my sister who is wise beyond her years, and all my friends who continue to call me a friend. I dedicated my thesis to you all, and to my grandpa Alfred K. Coleman, and my nannie, Mary K. DeCosta.

Posted in Life, People, Places